Muppet pantheon

Introduction
Why not a Muppet pantheon? If you're a chaote, one pantheon is as good as another. The Muppets may be better than most: many people have grown up with them, and are far more familiar with their characteristics than they are with those of Norse or Roman deities; there are probably a fair number of children who sincerely believe in their existence, which probably doesn't hurt; and it's quite easy to find pieces of Muppet paraphernalia that can serve as icons or foci for meditation. Moreover, if you leave such things lying around, nobody will suspect anything worse than a banal or trivial fancy.

The "Big Four" are, as with many other pantheons, not necessarily the most practical beings to invoke. Other, more minor, characters are less three-dimensional, and might contain fewer surprises and contradictions. (Personally, I make regular offerings to a four-inch-high foam Miss Piggy figurine, but I'm probably in the minority here. - disappearinjon) The big have many more figurines and other collectibles modeled on them, and thus possess the advantage of availability. (Which is, after all, one of the reasons for using the Muppets in the first place.)

The Big Four

 * Kermit is often considered the leader of the Muppets, but if he leads, it is only because he is out in front. He is much like the Taoist ideal of a sage king: he does little, and yet much gets done. If he holds any ideals, they appear to others to be a simple and naive goodness. A good tarot correspondence for Kermit may be with The Fool. If one was looking to regain perspective or the ability to look at things with beginner's mind, one might perform a devotion to Kermit.


 * Miss Piggy is the embodiment of physical desires: for food, for sex. her love for Kermit may be unrequited, but her devotion to him is unmatched, and she will fiercely protect him. If one is lacking in material comforts or needs to reestablish contact with his or her inner femininity, one might perform a devotion to her. In some tarot systems, she might correspond to The Empress, though one of the virtues of the Muppet pantheon is that the archetypes are different than those in standard Western systems.


 * Fozzie Bear, Kermit's sidekick and comic relief, is the archetypal follower. He never has his own ideas, and always provides steadfast support for Kermit. When one needs to drum up support, one can imagine an army of Fozzie Bears marching alongside. He is an excellent model for a servitor.


 * Gonzo identifies himself as a "whatever" --- he is neither this nor that, neither here nor there. To worship Gonzo is to worship the indeterminate, the unknown, and the imprecise. His characteristic is an intense desire for belonging, as expressed in the wistful ballad "I'm Going To Go Back There Some Day," from the Muppet Movie. When one wishes to achieve clarity, or to avoid a feeling of not-belonging, one could banish Gonzo.

Other Muppets

 * Scooter is the Muppets' stage manager. He is often tasked with carrying messages, and with making things happen. He might be associated with Hermes.


 * Sam the Eagle is the show's arch-conservative. He is concerned with decency and other manifestations of consensus morality. A good tarot card for him would be The Hierophant. He could be banished to obviate concerns about social acceptability, when one wishes to fly under the radar.


 * Dr. Bunsen Honeydew is the inventor, perhaps a mad scientist, though in the end his work often is to the benefit of all. (See the giant Beaker scene in The Muppet Movie for an example of this.) He could be The Magician in a tarot deck.


 * Beaker is Dr. Bunsen Honeydew's lab rat. When one needs to invoke a patsy, Beaker may be your best bet. However, things can also go horribly wrong. (Once again, see the giant Beaker scene in The Muppet Movie for an example of this.)


 * Rowlf the Dog is the piano-playing dog. He could be a God of music, though his tastes run more to the blues and showtunes. Still, if personal expression is your objective, a shrine to Rowlf might be in order. (Members of the rock band The Electric Mayhem could also serve this purpose.)


 * Animal is the drummer for The Electric Mayhem. He is pure id, and is frequently chained to his drums. Chaining or unchaining a representation of Animal could be a powerful magical act.


 * Statler and Waldorf serve as symbolic guardians of the show, perched in their balcony, together a sort of Janus-like figure. Their cruel and sarcastic comments can act as a shield of ridicule, something like the Turkey Curse of the Discordians. One might therefore invoke Statler and Waldorf to achieve protection through ironic distance.


 * The Swedish Chef is incomprehensible. He throws things around and makes a mess. If he's married to Eris, I'd hate to see their apartment. (I don't really have anything to say about him, but people will be angry if I leave him out. - disappearinjon)


 * Sweetums is large, hairy, and scary-looking. He is also, as his name suggests, nothing but sweetness and light. If one wished to scare people away without invoking anything actually dangerous, Sweetums would be an excellent choice.


 * Beauregard is a janitor, and sometimes a driver, though not a particularly good one. Sometimes you need to clean a mess up; for that, Beauregard's your man.