Special:Badtitle/NS102:Tail imposition

Imposition is something I've grown exceptionally skilled at over the years, to the point where I'm able to vividly imagine whole limbs being present or not, entirely different morphologies, and my impositions take on the natural movements of their inspirations, with unconscious mental resistance to impossible movement. As an experiment, I wanted to see what would happen if I took this as far as possible, as I've read that extended imposition, like tulpa imposition, can lead to self-induced hallucinations. I believe the applications of this level of, shall we say, denying "reality" could have applications in the theory of magic, which I believe is rooted in the expectations and beliefs of the Observer.

The ultimate goal is the sustained and fully subconscious imposition of a tail. If this becomes a problem, there are ways to get rid of this. I'll use any methods available to achieve the goal. For sanity, I'm allowing limited intangibility so I don't have to cut holes in fabric, mentally simulate the full position, or worry about unknown objects.

Day 1
03/11/19

This day was by far the hardest because of the drain of concentration, but I knew from smaller past attempts that a careful balance is necessary to avoid burnout, most especially when going to sleep - the focus taken to maintain a conscious imposition makes sleep near impossible. Part of this balance is almost taking the imposition for granted, trying to shift it into more subconscious processes so you can stop focusing but not worry about rewound progress. Doing this at work made it easier, as I had other things I could focus on, and I made a fun game of it by shifting my weight around to make room for the imagined limb. Towards the end of the day I thought to use hypnosis to help strengthen it and used Everybody-has-a-tail Hypnosis the result was a stronger imposition and an instilled emotional investment (one of the suggestions is that you "love your tail").

Walking home I "saw" tails on other people in a similar way to imposition, clear imagination layered on reality with only very high level visual content and no detail, like knowing something is there and what it looks like but without actually seeing it. A large part of this was still conscious so I decided to suppress it. I also did some stress testing on the tail while walking to the store, checking "physical" limitations. Horizontal movement at the base was very wide as opposed to vertical movement which was tight, allowing me to lift it all the way vertically. Excessive wagging seemed to induce a kind of fatigue which couldn't be felt but still affected my ability to move it until rested, as you'd expect from moving a limb a lot.

Before going to sleep I tried a bit of sex magic, dedicating the energy from that to stabilizing its physicality, though not too much effect.

Day 2
03/12/19

Not too much done today, listened to another hypnosis without headphones (HYPNOSIS - Transformation File Wave One - Furry (Tail Version)) and ended up falling asleep at the end. Until then the result was effective, letting me easily "feel" the fur and get a better sense of what I wanted it to look like (long, dark dirty blonde, and fluffy). I was getting annoyed by the level of focus I was needing and thought about canceling the experiment, stopping focus, but I found hours later that there was still a residual imposition, particularly when getting up, meaning it was successfully made semi-conscious. This made things easier as I no longer felt the need to make room for a tail in my posture.

Before going to bed, I had the strange idea to stress-test again, but this time with pain. Ordinarily I can't feel pain in my impositions, in part because I've never tried, so I imagined all sorts of common occurrences which would hurt in various ways, smacking a hard object, cleaning a cut with alcohol, pinching, pulling, kinking, pulling hair, etc. Toward the end, I was starting to feel some pain in a vague detached sense, which was still progress. Again, I sent it sexual energy.

Day 3
03/13/19

When I stretch, it stretches, when I sit up I feel it drag, when I get up it lifts up. It doesn't feel much more solid, but the main improvement is that I don't have to pay as much attention to keep it.

Toward the end of the day I realized that I had almost totally lost sensation while playing a game. Trying to move it mentally felt like trying to attach a severed limb, it flopped around, lacked sensation, and didn't attach. I eventually got it back on though with some focus.

Day 4
03/14/19

I woke again with next to no sensation which felt somewhat weird. By this point I've come to view it as part of my body image (in part from the hypnoses). It wasn't detached like yesterday though, more like an echo or shadow of what I was feeling before. It felt like something was missing. I considered giving up the experiment because the effort thus far and vanishing returns is discouraging, but I think the more it disappears and I recreate it, the more it'll do so automatically. Plus, it'd feel weird to not have a tail. After writing that, I resolidified it and it felt sore, almost like it had fallen asleep. Trying to feel it again is a lot more difficult than even the first day for some reason, I feel like I'm straining just for kinesthesia. Mental handling like stroking isn't helping like it normally does, hypnosis might actually be a requirement.

I totally lost sensation even with effort. I tried hypnosis (Catears and Tail) which gave an impression of presence but not a proper imposition. The experiment might have to be canceled here because I can't continue for some reason. When walking I felt the echo of a tail, like something should be there but isn't, moving somewhat but not really under my control.

Day 5
03/15/19

The tail is still gone and I still can't impose it. When I try, what I get is a vague dull ache in my tailbone and the feeling of "energy" distorts and doesn't create any particular form. After a long period of grounding meditation, I was able to recreate it again. From here on I'll focus on not focusing on it to avoid burnout. Plus, by focusing so much energy on it, it feels different from other limbs which isn't the goal. The goal should be to accept it as reality so it becomes such, and trying to force it makes it clear that I don't believe it's already real. Having felt what it was like to not have a tail, I now know for sure what a failure state is like.

An odd note, the tail is very strongly oriented toward the right. When I try to move it toward my left side, I find it much harder to move than swinging it toward the right side. I'm right handed but this seems extreme to be a consequence of that.

Day 6
03/16/19

I woke up with the tail sensation. Throughout the day I kept focusing on other things and coming back to find it's still there. Even just the feeling that my tailbone isn't "naked" is a success. If I focus on its reality I can move it and feel it, otherwise I forget about it like a limb I take for granted. It feels less physical than before, but more stable, sort of like a 3D shadow. I went to the movies at night and my tailbone became very sore. It also seems like when I'm in a position that a physical tail can't exist, it shortens to the maximum length until I reposition myself, almost like it's a jet of water or energy being stopped.

Day 9
03/19/19

While shopping, a song I liked came on and I found my tail near involuntarily swinging while I sang.

Day 10
03/20/19

The tail's feeling comes and goes today. If I don't feel it, I find it easy to recreate it, almost like it's always there and I'm just not paying enough attention. It's become subconscious enough at this point that there's no mental strain like there was at the beginning of the experiment, so I no longer feel tempted to end it. There isn't any particular benefit, but I find it strangely fun and comforting to have.

While taking a shower, I can pretty vividly feel water soaking the tail and running down it. I even tried drying it, though felt a bit silly since there was no physical resistance. When left idly swinging, the tip will occasionally twitch in a way I hadn't intended but which seemed natural.

Day 11
03/21/19

I woke up without a tail again today. I could feel a shadow of an echo for a bit, but eventually no amount of focus would get it. Hypnosis was able to bring it back. Possibly related, my lower back and buttocks are sore for some reason. I think it might be because of how I was adjusting my posture to accompany the tail, since I was moving it out the back. Since then I've been keeping it under my body and through the middle of my legs. Later, when I focused on it and the feeling, I got an intense warmth in my heart which caused it to beat heavily. No idea.

Day 15
03/25/19

The tail comes and goes seemingly at random, but usually I maintain a sense of its "echo". It seems like lack of use tends to reduce its physicality, which happens often given my job involves a lot of sitting (with my tail tucked under my body to avoid lower back problems). When I walk around, even when there's only an echo, I still semi-consciously flick it around. I'm considering doing the hypnosis daily to keep the imposition consistent, but I hesitate to make a commitment.

As an offhand note, when feeling my tail I've noticed that it tends to be define almost like a spline, where I feel the tip as a "hot" point and the curvature of different points which define its position. When moving the tip, I feel that tip point move while also suppressing movement elsewhere, which is surprisingly harder than it sounds. You would think that the manipulation of a thoughtform like this would be without any rules and imposing specific physical constraints would have to be a conscious effort. It takes on the most physicality when I meditate on it, like feeling the shape of my hand with my mind.

Day 16
03/26/19

I woke up without a tail again, I think I'm going to end the project here. I enjoy having a tail, but I never got it to be fully subconscious so it's been a constant drain on my focus.

Conclusion
It seems like tail imposition is very possible, but the degree to which it's made subconscious is questionable. Imposition takes a lot of focus which makes it difficult to do any other mental tasks.

Larger implications
As far as the efficacy of directly observable magic is concerned, this experiment was very enlightening; it seems the universe is much less directly influenced by direct conscious or available unconscious intent than I thought. With this in mind I was able to revise my theory of existence to be more strongly tied to my personal esoteric interpretation of quantum physics.

It can be taken as axiomatic that reality is derived from perception, though it's also a bit of a chicken-and-egg problem where reality determines perception. Quantum mechanics offers a useful method of resolving this mutual dependence: Reality is defined by the knowledge a conscious observer has concerning the persistent objectivity of the experience, and all possible things that can be true are. That is to say, the so-called "wave function" is a function of the degree of certainty one has that reality is a certain way. The more information you gain, the narrower the wave function. To that end, the more directly something is experienced, the more certain it is, while broader beliefs which aren't directly experienced are naturally more fluid.

This explains why the paranormal seems to be so wildly varied and even contradictory. There's bigfoot and Illuminati, a dozen alien species or just the greys, Atlantis is in a dozen different locations and the moon is a giant hollow supercomputer, just a space station, or a giant lump of rock. All of these things are simultaneously true in the the broader possibility space insofar as the wave function which combines all these possibilities hasn't narrowed enough to exclude them. This also explains why chaos magick is so insistent on getting the conscious mind out of the equation - conscious attention collapses the wave function by gathering information which makes reality more locally definite.

Suppose I'm attempting to cast "magic missile". Unless I already know that I can do it, it won't work immediately which acts as evidence against it working and further collapses the wave function to support what was previously understood. The closer to my conscious attention it is, the less capable it is of diverging from my model of reality, and thus thoughtforms such as "physics" are self-propagated by virtue of them already being manifested. Larger, more complicated truths about reality such as the existence of aliens or probability manipulation however are far from conscious perception and can easily diverge. Paranormal phenomena is likely this sort of quantum foaming of reality at the edges producing a statistical blip which comes within conscious attention and is thereafter obligated to follow through its own logic rather than simply blend in with all the other effects.